A friend recently approached me concerning how to handle a break-up. No, not of the romantic kind, still with someone who has greatly touched his heart. He came to me because I had the exact same break-up with the exact same person—it was a business relationship.
I’m sorry that any of us have to go through the process of separation. Yet, in the end you will realize there are specific reasons why it happened.
In getting over another long-term and very deep friendship I had to write my third book, The Acceptance Factor: To Serenity and Beyond. It’s a quick read—45 minutes, perhaps—longer if you complete the exercises. But, as one reader told me, it’s spot on, yet so simple.
People who inspire us, who we learn from, who helps us to reach the very depths and recesses of our soul are like a fine liqueur: bold and beautiful; and as you drink in the elixir a warming comes over your body that feels so good; the senses are immediately awakened and you become high on the fumes that raise you up to a new height where no one has ever taken you before!
But then, the inevitable occurs. You have learned as much as you can from each other and it’s time to part, to go your separate ways, walking the path to brilliance with your new-found knowledge and tools.
“How do you do it? How do you get to the place of calm and peace,” my friend asked.
I instantly knew the process to follow. I do have the steps written down—in my free report to those who sign up on my website, and in Book Two of My Life Adventure Series, Thrown Into Transition: Now What Do I Do?
Stop being the victim. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. This is by far the harshest thing to say to yourself and the most difficult to do when feeling so very hurt and abandoned. You must keep moving away from feeling victimized.
See all the possibilities. What can you do with the skills and knowledge learned? How can you help someone else that’s going through what you are?
Accentuate the positive. What is going on in your life that is good and noble? Come back to that as often as needed. Increase the positive words used throughout the day. Change up your negative thoughts concerning a subject (or this one!) and find the good. Example: If I hadn’t learned from so-and-so how to deal with those inside voices, I wouldn’t be the sane person I am today. OR Thank you, for the workshop where I wrote this beautiful poem about my dad.
Take action. This is what I call the step to end all steps. By taking action, even the tiniest of actions, you move forward toward the goal you seek. Write out your list of assets; increase the positivity in your thoughts and language. Rinse and repeat
What I’d also like to share with you is that you are not alone in your thoughts or feelings; and that you are loved and held. Other thoughts that helped me along the way, as you’ll discover in my book about acceptance, is that this separation must occur if we are to continue with our personal and inner growth. Thinking of this change or transition transforms it into the natural progression that it truly and sweetly is.
During the process of finding out what went wrong with my deep and close friendships, I realized that we’d outgrown each other. I no longer need them and they no longer need me. As simple as this sounds, the pain and the hurt takes a long time to evaporate.
But by using and repeating that mantra as often as needed, it has made me stronger to step away from the relationship’s hurt and frustrations.
To be honest, you will have months of cleansing to do, but they will be the best and most freedom-filled days you’ve experienced in a long, long time. Journal. Keep reaching out to those who’ve been there, done that, and who’ve come out the other side happier, healthier, and far richer than any dollar amount in the bank could ever make you.
What I see in your future is being able to turn around and help those who you know or who request your knowledge in how to get past situations and relationships that are toxic and hurtful; those who just want to make the pain go away. You know it’s not an overnight fix, yet you’ll be there every step of the way until they reach the freedom they seek.
To your success,
“It is thus, if there is any rule, that we ought to die--neither as victim nor as fanatic, but as the seafarer who can greet with an equal eye the deep that he is entering, and the shore that he must leave.” ~E. M. Forster
Peggy Lee Hanson, personal transition guide and mentor, is expert at compassionately helping those suffering loss of any proportion, especially through unemployment. Using proven strategies and support, she teaches how to move quickly and easily through current or impending life-changing moments so that you can have the life you are meant -- and deserve -- to live.
PeggyLee is a Speaker, Best-selling author on Amazon.com, Certified Dream Coach® & Group Leader®, Trained True Purpose Coach®, and CEO and Founder of MyDreamArchitect.com, a subsidiary of Personal Transition Guidance, LLC. Also, Peggy Lee has co-facilitated mastermind groups and appeared as a regular columnist for online communities. She is a member of Toastmasters International.
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