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If you don’t care about who I am, then don’t read this.

10/10/2012

19 Comments

 
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If I’ve had the pleasure of meeting you in person, you know that I am nearly six feet tall. This fact seems to surprise a few people. “Wow! You are one tall woman!” “How did you grow to be so tall?” “Can I help you, sir?”

I fast became a leader in an online community and attended a live training on how to be a powerful speaker. The head of the community turned to me during a break in the action and said, “You need to update your look.”

These are just two statements that continue to haunt my thoughts. In the beginning when those words were first uttered, they were hurtful. Now they spurn me towards gratitude and appreciation.

At a meeting the other day, one of the shoulder pads in the blazer I was wearing became detached, hanging on by a stitch, visible, and pointed out by an associate. “Maybe I should take them out,” I said. “Well, if you do take them out, keep ‘em around for when they come back in style.”

Because of all the growing and learning and inner wisdom gained, I was able to laugh off this latest commentary on my personal looks and style.

It still bugs me to be called “sir,” but I realize those who do are not taking the time to be aware of their surroundings or the people in them; one was a security guard seated at his post, another was a fast-food order-taker; at least the young man at the restaurant apologized when realizing his error.

Have you had people in your life who tried to shape your personality, your looks, or your style?

Of course, there are influencers akin to “you are what you eat.”

Now, before you begin to feel sorry for me, you should know that I am a strong woman. I’ve learned how to work through those internal voices that agree with all of the external ones. I am my own person. I know that I am the only one who can give me the answers I’m looking for. I like who I am, who I’ve become. I love what I do with my writing and coaching. I enjoy helping other women discover who they are and what they are capable of. I love my husband and children and their families, the most important people in my life.

Previously I wrote about the outside influencers in our life; they do shape who we are and how we grow. I thank God for all who’ve entered my life.

To those who ask about my height: thank you for reminding me about my paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather, where my tall sleek body comes from.

To those who say I should wear makeup, make myself presentable: thank you for reminding me that I am just as beautiful on the outside as on the inside; I am loved for who I am, not how I look.

To those who say I should be in style: thank you for reminding me of my uniqueness; for it is my honesty and openness and caring that draws people to me, not what I wear.

How can you turn the negative statements heard in your lifetime around into positive, gratitude declarations?

I’d love to hear them.

Have a great day and Dream On!
PeggyLee

“I could announce one morning that the world was going to blow up in three hours and people would be calling in about my hair!” ~Katie Couric


Want To Reprint this article? You may do so as long as you leave it intact and include this author information: 
Peggy Lee Hanson, personal transition guide and mentor, is expert at compassionately helping those suffering loss of any proportion, especially through unemployment. Using proven strategies and support, she teaches how to move quickly and easily through current or impending life-changing moments so that you can have the life you are meant -- and deserve -- to live. 
PeggyLee is a Speaker, Best-selling author on Amazon.com, Certified Dream Coach® & Group Leader®, Trained True Purpose Coach®, and CEO and Founder of MyDreamArchitect.com, a subsidiary of Personal Transition Guidance, LLC. Also, Peggy Lee has co-facilitated mastermind groups and appeared as a regular columnist for online communities. She is a member of Toastmasters International.
Follow her at PeggyLeeHanson on Twitter and Facebook. You may also subscribe to her blog and newsletter.
19 Comments
Flora Morris Brown link
10/10/2012 12:04:52 am

Love that Katie Couric quote because although funny, it's true.

As an African American growing up in the 50's I was fortunate to be surrounded by strong, accomplished Blacks who encouraged, supported and prepared us for the reception and challenges we would receive in the outside world. (This was back in the days of separate water fountains and refusal of admission to many public places.)

The foundation I received at home, school and church have stood me well as I've navigated my way through racist encounters, discouraging folks and hurtful comments. Even to this day, in spite of my education and accomplishments, I occasionally meet someone who asks or says something super stupid. Because I learned long ago about my beauty and worth, I'm not undone by these clods.

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PeggyLee
10/10/2012 12:14:27 am

Dearest Flora,
You and I have personally met; I see you as a beautiful strong and accomplished woman. I can't imagine the struggles you've endured. Tears are welling up with love and gratitude you shared a part of you here. Thank you so very much! Until we see each other again.... in appreciation for all you've given me....

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Lisa link
10/10/2012 12:22:10 am

Peggy, you rock! I think you own your power so lovingly. I love it when people are tall...I'm only 5'2 myself, heehee! So, I've always envied taller folks. I hear you about the image stuff. Every image consultant type of person has told me to cut my hair or grow out my Bettie Page bangs and *gulp* to not wear leather. But, if your branding dictates otherwise, I say, show up authentically IMHO :) Rock it, girl...you own it and inspire us :) xoxo

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PeggyLee
10/10/2012 03:13:23 am

Thank you Lisa for the kind words. I believe you need to be who YOU are, not what others want you to be or think you should be -- or do! Best line in the world is "Thank you and I'll take your suggestion to the committee." ;-) So happy you stopped by today and sharing your thoughts.

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Lisa link
10/10/2012 03:28:21 am

Love the committee bit! Heehee! :)

Joy Phillips link
10/10/2012 01:00:36 am

Peggy -- LOVE THIS POST!!! Thank you so much for sharing. I remember a stranger (lady) making me feel SO bad a couple years ago when she approached me out of nowhere and told me I should go check out the clothes at new local store because they had pretty things in bigger women sizes. LOL I pretty much cried all the way home. The internal voice you mentioned in your voice got the best of me that day. Another inspiring post from you -- thanks! -- Joy

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PeggyLee
10/10/2012 03:21:11 am

Joy, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I believe that people are not aware of what they're saying, how hurtful the words can actually be. And we are taken aback so far that we are too stunned -- or too polite! -- to say anything. When we become comfortable in our own skin, knowing who we are and what we are all about, it's easier to fling off the comments for what they are -- idle chatter. "Thank you for the suggestion." Nothing more needs to be said in response to unsolicited advice. :-) Thanks, Love, for stopping by... so enjoy seeing you here.

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Linda link
10/10/2012 01:09:49 am

Be yourself. Authenticity is more important than what people think and the only way to attract people who will value the real you. Thank you for sharing this powerful message.

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PeggyLee
10/10/2012 03:27:27 am

Linda,
I remember the first person who told me my authenticity, my realism was soo refreshing that it empowered me to no end. It kept me being true to myself. And when I'm true to myself, I can show up here and anywhere and have a blast! Thank you so very much for showing up here today and being your authentic self. Blessings!

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Bonnie link
10/10/2012 04:30:28 am

Hi Peggy,

Such a profound message, it hits close to home.

I learned a long time ago to take much of what was said with a grain of salt. Spiteful retorts used to dig deep into me, until I learned to forgive the person silently.

I'm not a religious person mind you, but I constantly hear the message "forgive them, for they know not what they do" at a time when they are their meanest.

It's either that or believe their parents did a poor job of teaching them respect for another person - and how to exercise tight lips when they have nothing appropriate to say.

Frankly, I got tired of so-called friends telling me that I would never find a good man unless I trimmed my hips down to size. A lot they know - I've been happily married for the past 20 years and my hips aren't any slimmer now than they were then. :)

Chin up... you are who you are - and that's fine by me! If people don't care for how you look, let them look the other way!

- Bonnie xo

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PeggyLee
10/10/2012 07:11:53 am

Bonnie,
Thank you for you kind words and beautiful response. Another quick phrase I learned to say under my breath is "God Bless 'em!" I don't remember which thought leader it came from anymore, but I loved it! And it works!
I'm with you on the hubby... the famous they said our marriage wouldn't last -- that was 33 years ago!
Like Flora said above, it's what happened in their life, not yours, from whence the retorts come.
So glad you stopped by; nice to see you here! In appreciation and gratitude.....

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Lis link
10/10/2012 06:21:05 am

WOW! That was so wonderful! I am both floored by how cruel people can be AND by your perfect response to it all! Love how you take it in stride. As for me, people don't say negatives to me, but I definitely say them to myself. I need to view things as you do because God created us individually and uniquely and to bash myself is to bash his great work! Bless you!

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PeggyLee
10/10/2012 07:19:29 am

Hi Lis,
Yes, work on those negative comments that come from inside; but don't ignore them as they have something to share. I love helping others hear the message inside.
Thank you so much for your kind words and stopping by. Blessings!

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Holly Jahangiri link
10/10/2012 12:23:45 pm

The blatant rudeness of people floors me.

Then again, I'd like to think kindness comes naturally and doesn't have to be too deliberate or well thought out.

My daughter is nearly 6'2"; my son 6'3". I feel short - I'm only 5'11", but my size 11 feet make up for any lack of awkwardness. :) I remember, as a teen, being told by a shoe salesman, "We don't have your size, but you can have the boxes for free." My feet fit in the boxes. Just call me Clementine.

My mom was in tears. I was hurt, but I wrote the guy off as incredibly stupid. Better to have big feet than to go through life stupid. My dad tried to make it all better, saying, "A tall building needs a good foundation." I didn't want a good foundation; I wanted sexy shoes.

Meh, what did I know then? 30 years and two children later, I'm happy with good, comfortable shoes. But those younger years are tough.

I'm surprised anyone has the nerve to say anything critical to you - they seem to find me too intimidating to say it to my face. ;) Obviously, though, it doesn't matter - you're loved by the people who matter most.

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PeggyLee
10/10/2012 11:42:29 pm

Holly,
Loved your line, "Better to have big feet than to go through life stupid." ;-)
And you reminded me my two brothers are taller than me and so are my two sons...interesting that place number three in each family.
The younger years are tough, yet somehow we get through them. What's the saying? They are the character-building years.
Yeah, right. ;-)
Thanks so much for sharing your story here. I am grateful, appreciative, and humbled.

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Fran link
10/10/2012 12:37:14 pm

Such a great post, I can think of so many times I been told 'your not walking out the door dressed like that.' when I was young. Then other comments by friends and family like " I don't really like your hair short." or " if you just put a little make up on it would give you some colour." We are just all lovely the way we are. It is not that people are being mean they are actually trying to be helpful, but it still feels like criticism. Thank-you of reminding me to be more accepting of myself and others. Lovely post got me pondering lots of thoughts

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PeggyLee
10/10/2012 11:47:33 pm

Hi Fran,
You bring up even more memories... my mom yelling at me for a short skirt... my sister with the makeup bit when I was barely a teenager....
Words are so important and can cut ever so quickly and easily like a knife into our self esteem.
Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your thoughts... I appreciate you!

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Peter Dean link
10/10/2012 08:15:08 pm

I am sorry that I have not met you. Having said this you have provided a powerful lift on an awful day and for that you have my utmost gratitude. I can of course relate to some of this. I am 6'3" and usually the guy who drunks want to fight because I'm the biggest.. Recently I had my hair cut short for charity - I used to love my very long hair (which also raised a lot of comments on a man) and am still reeling from the shock of how small minded some folk are - one gent I tried to get interview with for 6 months and who did not want to know me before is now suddenly clamoring for me to work with him after a haircut! I have a continuing 'discussion' with those on LinkedIn who say that every man in business must drive a good car and wear a suit and tie - as popeye used to say 'I is who I is'
Thank you for this inspiration today - really needed it!
Peter

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PeggyLee
10/10/2012 11:55:49 pm

Peter,
We have now met through the wonderful world web and it is a pleasure.
I've tried different hairstyles on the suggestion of others; the coloring has stayed but the cut has not.
Employers unfortunately do have an image in mind for their company, which spills over to the employee. You, as an individual, must decide what's most important and what to compromise -- your self-image or the paycheck.
I'm fighting with those who say brilliant paid speakers must be dressed in business suits, dresses, etc. I'd rather be comfortable and envision being on stage in jeans and a blazer. Deepak Chopra dresses that way.. why can't I?
Good luck to you, Peter, and I hope you stop by again to share your thoughts. In appreciation and gratitude......

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