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When you lose your support system...

4/4/2012

8 Comments

 
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I thought I recently lost my first means of personal support; however, when I quickly scan my life in reverse, I realized that losses of that type had happened several times before; I just hadn’t noticed it as much. It seems my awareness heightens as I get older. Hmmm. Is the same true for you, too?

As I thought about it, the first time I lost a support system was when I graduated from high school; leaving behind the teachers and friends had meant I was left to a world of unknown.

The next memory of support loss is when my dad died. I was only twenty-five with a one-year-old. He loved me and liked my husband, which was very important to me.

Fast forward a few years when the sudden and unexpected death of my beloved mother-in-law from a brain aneurysm occurred. I stood up at her wake and announced – no wailed! – to the crowd, “I don’t know what I’m going to do without her!”

Oh, I have several people who are there for me, including my husband and my kids. But when a few years ago being “thrown into the transition” after losing my corporate position of twenty-one years, an entire lifetime had passed into the dark.

Which brings me to present day.

One other support system thought to be lifelong has now ended due to the parting of two friends. When the sky cleared, I began to ask a few questions of myself. “Now what do I do? Who can I connect with? Where will my support come from?”
And then I began to look deeper into the loss. Why was this person in my life? How did I “use” this person? What did this person bring to me?

Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!

We all seek to be loved, accepted, and supported. But in examining my own wants and needs, I asked three more questions: “When will I give myself the support I need? When will I begin to praise and celebrate my successes? When will I be able to stand alone on my own recognizes?”

The answer to those questions was the same: “Right now and right here.”

Success is an inner game just as much as it is an outer one. Coaches and mentors can help us realize our strengths; they can also help us explore the deep and dark caverns so we can make our way safely to the top to see and feel the warmth of the sunshine on our cheeks.

People come into our lives for a reason. And I believe they go away because we no longer need them. Some leave us and this earth far too earlier than what we’d like; however, the lessons they leave behind are many and immeasurable, and often come from within ourselves.

What lessons have you learned from your support system? Is your system mostly made of internal or external resources? I'd love to hear about them.

Dream On!
PeggyLee

p.s. Next Monday April 9, I will be kicking off and talking more about the transition piece during the Coffee with Soul teleseries, Please join me; I'd love it if you would. But if you are unable to listen in, yet want to speak with me directly, schedule a time; I'm here to support you in your dreams and endeavors.

I can be changed by what happens to me. but I refuse to be reduced by it.”
~Maya Angelou


Want To Reprint this article? You may do so as long as you leave it intact and include this author information: 
Peggy Lee Hanson, personal transition guide and mentor, is expert at compassionately helping those suffering loss of any proportion, especially through unemployment. Using proven strategies and support, she teaches how to move quickly and easily through current or impending life-changing moments so that you can have the life you are meant -- and deserve -- to live. 
PeggyLee is a Speaker, Best-selling author on Amazon.com, Certified Dream Coach® & Group Leader®, Trained True Purpose Coach®, and CEO and Founder of MyDreamArchitect.com, a subsidiary of Personal Transition Guidance, LLC. Also, Peggy Lee is co-facilitator and co-owner of the Coaches Circle Mastermind groups and is a regular columnist for the online community of DreamUniversity.com. She is a member of the International Coach Federation and Toastmasters International.
Follow her at PeggyLeeHanson on Twitter and Facebook. You may also subscribe to her blog and newsletter.
8 Comments
Valerie Cuell link
4/4/2012 02:00:04 am

PeggyLee

This is a very interesting topic.

I feel almost the reverse to you in that as I get older I seem to be able to manage better when I lose a support system.

However, we often don't praise ourselves enough and accept that we are quite capable of standing on our own two feet.

Is this just a female thing?

Reply
Rhonda Neely link
4/4/2012 02:09:30 am

After reading your post today, it made me realize how thought provoking it truly is.

I've learned so much about life from someone who is no longer in my life and is still alive. He was in my life for the learning experience it taught me and boy was that a blessing!

Reply
Roy A. Ackerman, PhD, EA @Cerebrations.biz link
4/4/2012 03:31:08 am

Ah, support systems. Or, as I always called it- belt and suspenders.
I have had the luxury of creating my own synthetic family twice in my life. Once in Charlottesville and once in Alexandria. Surrounding myself with brothers and sisters on parallel journeys, assisting each other with our lives, our dreams, and our growth.
Replacing those that may have been, at best, only biologically related. And, have been thankful for their inclusion in my life for some 3 1/2 decades now...Who will be joining me this weekend for the holidays.
I'm with you, PeggyLee.

Reply
peggylee
4/4/2012 06:08:49 am

Valerie,
Thank you so much for stopping by to comment! I so appreciate hearing new voices.
I agree that we do seem to manage better as we get older because of the many life-lessons already learned, including seeing right now, right here what's most important in our lives.
And yes, I agree... it is a female thing ;-)
Thanks again for dropping by and welcome!

Reply
peggylee
4/4/2012 06:14:24 am

Hi Rhonda,
So nice to see you here. As I was writing out my thoughts this morning, I noticed the word count increasing and increasing! It's a long post, so thanks for hanging in there with me until the end ;-)
These thoughts are provoking and will be complied into an e-book I'm releasing later this spring.
Many of my teachers are no longer in my life as well, however, I thank God for them every day; for without them I would not be where I am today.
I'm so glad you dropped by and left a comment... it -- and you -- are appreciated! Thank you!

Reply
peggylee
4/4/2012 06:49:01 am

My buddy Roy,
Thanks for being with me ;-)
Although this is a phase I'm going through, it's coming at a time when I can actually step back and take a look at what is really going on inside -- with me. It also helps me to discern what may be happening with the other person. One thing I learned many years ago was to lead with my heart, not the anger; and that has served me well.
Have a wonderful weekend with your family. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Always appreciated.

Reply
Nicole Bandes link
4/4/2012 07:12:39 am

At one point, I was looking to my husband to be my best cheerleader. He was SUPPOSED to be there to be my biggest fan. What I realized was that it wasn't that he wasn't my biggest fan, he just didn't know how to be supportive in the way I needed him to be. At that point I realized I had to let go of that need. And guess what? Yep, he suddenly started showing me the support I wanted in a way that I wanted it. Love it when that stuff happens!

Reply
peggylee
4/4/2012 11:39:29 pm

Nicole! I love what you said about your husband. I believe most spouses experience the same thing. My husband had difficulty understanding what I did too, but he is of a different mindset. But when I had my first paying client, then he realized that people really pay for results. Another friend of mine, too, said her husband wasn't understanding her needs. When they finally sat down for the heart-to-heart, she realized that he had needs that weren't being met. It's keeping the conversation going and putting trust in your partner.
Thank you for your comments and your wisdom in them... they've gotten me to thinking more on the relationship side and how I can help even more of my peeps.

Reply



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